Question for Israel: When Will Gorilla Nasrallah Meet His Maker?

Imagine yourself in Lebanon, mulling about in your evening robe, reading some mundane book when suddenly out of the blue appears on your screen the ugly face of the terrorist par excellence gorilla Nasrallah with his sweaty face, beard dripping from his angry saliva, and his lisping driving you nut; especially when he mentions the word “Ithrael” or “Saudi Athabia”.

Your day started out as a quiet reflection of the small achievements you made to end into a horror show of mangled hairy flesh threatening your every existence and reminding you that this Hassan Nasrallah monster is for real. No one invented him, even though we are betting some of his followers wish he was the sleeping beauty to force him to rise with a wet kiss somewhere between his hairy lips and his hairier belly button.

With the robe still on and fear in your eyes, you have a question for Israel: When will gorilla Nasrallah meet His Maker? You think to yourself, “Can you please accelerate the process a bit”? Every child who disobeys his parents in the Arab world is told, “If you don’t behave, I will turn on the TV for you to watch Nasrallah”. And every Arab child is an angel because of that threat.

What about the Israelis themselves? How does a mother, living in a Kibbutz, feel when this gorilla Nasrallah appears on her TV in the middle of her living room? Are the Palestinians not enough to scare the hell out of these Jewish mothers. Why is the Mossad ignoring their fears? If it is a money issue, ask Sheldon Adelson to fund the “Adelson Center to Eliminate Gorilla Nasrallah” within Mossad. Staff it with brilliant statisticians who will, based on probabilities, estimate the whereabouts of the Nasrallah bunker. It’s an intelligence problem that mathematicians can resolve. If Einstein opened a 13 billion-year old universe for us using numbers, surely a baby Einstein can find a bunker within the small universe of Beirut.

Imagine yourself a groom about to wed when this heap of sweat, flesh, and hair shows up to threaten your very young existence as a Lebanese Shiite. He wants you to go fight in Syria to return in a coffin. What did the Syrian people do to you? All you want is to exercise your rights as a Lebanese in pursuit of happiness and wealth. How can you be happy and wealthy if you fight for the gorilla Nasrallah who takes his orders from a foreign country you don’t even understand its language? The only question that comes to your mind is: Maybe I should not be married or have children. This is what that hairy gorilla Nasrallah does to your young life.

So our question for Israel stands. When will gorilla Nasrallah meet His Maker? How can the Syrian people help you make that decision? Unless every time he says “Ithreal” makes you laugh so hard, you forgot what your primary mission is.