With the news that Saudi Arabia has sentenced five to death for killing Jamal Khashoggi without mentioning their names or positions, Falafel set out to uncover the identities of those people. In this article, Falafel discloses the positions of Saudis sentenced to death by the killer Mohammad bin Salman (MbS) who chose to exclude himself from the list.
So, Falafel contacted the most senior person in the Saudi government who has the information. It turned out to be the Minister of Interior, Abdulaziz bin Saud Al Saud, a royalty in his own right.
Not to miss a beat, Falafel rushed to the Ministry in the Olaya financial district to interview the prince.
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FALAFEL DISCLOSES POSITIONS OF SAUDIS SENTENCED TO DEATH
Falafel: Thank you for meeting me on such a short notice.
ABSAS: You are always welcome Falafel.
Falafel: Since the Saudi government chose not to publish the names of those it sentenced to death for killing Jamal Khashoggi, maybe you can share with our readers who the five dead men are.
ABSAS: We cannot share the names. How about if I share their positions and why we sentenced them to death.
Falafel: That’s a good start.
ABSAS: First on our list is a very dangerous man whose action really precipitated the tragic killing of Khashoggi. Like I said, no names. His position was the night watchman at the Saudi HQ of the Mabahith al-Ammah. He had participated in Khashoggi’s killing. He hails originally from the Philippines.
Falafel: How so?
ABSAS: Apparently, after the planning for the murder, he did not lock down the HQ to stop it from happening. For that, he deserves to die.
Falafel: How could he know?
ABSAS: This is why we pay them. To know. In Saudi Arabia, we hold everyone responsible. Even the night watchmen.
Falafel: Who else?
ONE PIGGY, TWO PIGGIES …
ABSAS: Next is the Pakistani air traffic controller who gave the private flight to Istanbul the green light to take off. Had he not done so, Khashoggi would be alive today.
Falafel: But…
ABSAS: No “But” Falafel. We take our responsibility to punish those responsible very seriously.
Falafel, in disbelief, asks for the next position.
ABSAS: Next is the Riyadh airport luggage handler who loaded the suitcase containing the bone saw unto the private flight.
Falafel: Your Highness, how could he know?
ABSAS: Again, the government proved that the ratio of weight to luggage size should have been enough for him to detect that the steel suitcase contained a bone saw. We were very diligent about the evidence. In fact, we just informed his family in Sri Lanka.
IT’S THE DUMMY, DUMMY
Falafel: Who is the fourth person?
ABSAS: The fourth person is the Malaysian doorman at the Istanbul Consulate. He is the real brain of the operation because he was the one that actually killed and dismembered Khashoggi. As far as we are concerned, he acted alone. We determined that his motive was because Khashoggi arrived at the Consulate during prayer time. The doorman felt insulted.
Falafel: Really? Then, why send a private flight to Istanbul?
ABSAS: It was only to deliver the bone saw. That’s all.
Falafel: And the fifth person?
ABSAS: The fifth person technically does not exist. We sentenced the dummy used in the court room to show how Khashoggi was dismembered to death. Since it’s already in pieces, we already carried out true justice in this instance. There you have it Falafel. All the positions of those who will soon be killed or have already been dismembered. The beheadings are happening as we speak.
Falafel: Are there no Saudis involved in the killing?
ABSAS: Not that we know of. There were all foreigners as far as we are concerned.
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After leaving the HQ, Falafel thought to himself that maybe our President is behind this scheme. No one hates foreigners like he does.
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