After Iran’s Ayatollah leader promised to retaliate for the killing of Iran’s top nuclear scientist, Falafel decided to get to the bottom of what Khamenei meant by it. So, Falafel asked for and was granted a face-to-face with the top-drawer man in Tehran. Falafel interviews Supremo Khamenei over the Fakhrizadeh daylight assassination.
Because of U.S. sanctions, Falafel decided to rent a camel and cross into Iran from Iraq. It took a while, but fortunately for the rent-a-camel global business, U.S. sanctions did not extend to that form of transportation. There are even rumors that Amazon may buy into the business.
Forget the impoverished and simple rooms the world saw the last Ayatollah use as his bedroom. This Ayatollah lived in the most sumptuous palace anyone can imagine. Why not since he is personally worth more than $100 Billions. Money he grew on trees in his backyard, we are told.
After a full hour entering one room and exiting into another, Falafel finally came face-to-face with none other than the supremo himself. Falafel thanked Khamenei and began the interview.
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FALAFEL INTERVIEWS SUPREMO KHAMENEI OVER FAKHRIZADEH KILLING
Falafel: Your eminence and supreme leader of the great non-Arabic speaking Iran without an equal, you threatened to retaliate against the west and Israel for killing Mohsen Fahkrizadeh. The world wants to know what do you have in mind.
Khamenei: First I want to say that we deny the so-called scientist existed.
Falafel (Confused): But you announced retaliation for his killing.
Khamenei: We announced retaliation for killing Mohsen Fakhrizadeh who was not a scientist of nuclear energy. He was just a simple janitor who worked in one of our scientific laboratories.
Falafel: Are you saying that Fakhrizadeh was not working on your nuclear program?
Khamenei; We don’t have a nuclear program and we don’t have nuclear scientists. Fakhrizadeh was just a janitor.
Falafel: But why threaten the west and Israel for killing a janitor?
Khamenei: All lives matter. He was a special janitor.
Falafel: How so?
Khamenei: He could kneel and pray and clean simultaneously. A man of great talents. You could say he was Captain Iran. In fact, we awarded him a dagger and a turban for his skills.
HOW WILL IRAN RETALIATE?
Falafel: You wonder of humanity, the world wants to know how will you retaliate.
Khamenei: We have many means of retaliation.
Falafel: Care to give us an example, you wonderment of hope and love?
Khamenei rings a small bell to call someone. A servant enters the room.
Khamenei: Call General Qasem Soleimani and ask him to join me.
The servant looked confused, then he bowed and exited.
Falafel: Your peerless high eminence of the finest Iranian rugs order, the Americans have already killed Soleimani. In fact, if I recall, you also promised to retaliate for his killing.
Khamenei rings the bell again. The same servant enters.
Khamenei: Forget Soleimani. Call Imad Mughnyieh to join me.
Falafel: Your paramount sovereign and leader of the most impoverished, the Israelis and the Americans killed Imad Mughnyieh a long time ago. Also, if I recall Iran promised to retaliate.
Khamenei pauses fr a minute.
Khamenei: We will retaliate. We will start a conversation with Tehran John (i.e. John Kerry). The idiot will do anything to kiss my ring.
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Falafel left the interview feeling that Khamenei, now a third-rate dictator, is just full of hot air. His resilience to endure humiliation is what makes him the laughing stock of many.
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