Once again, Falafel’s “deep friend” in the Kremlin came through when the Qatari ruler visited the Kremlin to meet Vladimir Putin. Falafel witnesses Qatari ruler Putin meeting. He reports on it below.
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QR: Mr. Rasputin, how are you?
Putin: Did you call me Rasputin?
QR: No, no. I said Mr. Putin but the ‘R’ in ‘Mr.’ simply rolled over.
Putin: Did you bring your veiled wife with you?
QR: Which one?
Putin: Never mind. What can I do for you?
QR: I have a proposition that would return Istanbul to the Orthodox Church in return for the Muslim Brotherhood taking over Damascus, just like the Umayyads 1,400 years ago.
Putin: You mean Constantinople?
QR: Recep Erdogan is so corrupt, I can buy Istanbul from Turkey. I have much dineros, Qatari brides, and Islamic leverage to offer.
Putin: Can you?
QR: Yes. I will pay him handsomely in return for my buddies the Sharia’a ‘Allah wa Akbar’ Muslim Brotherhood Islamists replacing Assad. Of course, all the Orthodox Christians in Syria will have to move to Istanbul permanently.
Putin: Ok. On one condition. Assad will go once all Christian Orthodox move to Constantinople after selling the city. Not before.
QR: What guarantees do I have Assad will go?
Putin: My word.
QR: I did not expect that. Better than going to the bank. Thank you, oh thank you.
Putin: Don’t mention it. How much do you think Erdogan would want for the whole city?
QR: It’s a package deal.
Putin: Do share the terms. After all, what use is this proposal if the terms are weak?
QR: It’s a multi-part proposal. First, al-Jazeera would post his pictures in all of their offices. Globally. I believe he is a sucker for praise.
Putin: Go on.
QR: Second, we would propose a new Qatari bride for his Islamic tendencies once every month for life.
Putin (No reaction)
QR: Third, we would build a 200-story-tower in Qatar and name it Erdogan Tower. It will be the tallest in the world.
Putin (Still no reaction)
QR: Fourth, we would totally finance a potent Turkish WMD program. He insisted on secrecy though. Please don’t tell him I said so. No clue why he wants a WMD program.
Putin: Where would you build the WMD factory?
QR: Erdogan insisted on Istanbul. Sorry, Constantinople.
Putin, without another word, gets up and leaves the room. Qatari ruler looks around and then smells his underarms for any odors.
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Daft Qatari ruler believed he struck gold with his proposal.
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