Falafel knew that behind the new Assad Award for Best Book Cover lay a sinister plan. Yes, you guessed it. It is to avoid reading books by simply staring and admiring the book cover. Not what was written within its pages, just the cover. On that score, in the Syrian book fair Iran terror books win big.
Not to miss the unmissable, on the last day before the fair closes, Falafel strolled quietly into the Iran pavilion to read some of the titles the Ayatollahs chose to publish in the Syrian market. Here are some examples:
IRANIAN HOW TO KILL BOOKS
“How to Kill Syrian Pregnant Women and Their Babies in One Bullet” sold the most copies to Assad supporters. It won the coveted Assad Award for Best Book Cover. The cover in question showed an x-ray of an unborn fetus with a clear bullet lodged in his brain. Inside, one can read about the courageous IRGC snipers who targeted pregnant Syrian women foraging for food to feed their babies. Assad thought the cover made him so proud and for this reason the book won the Assad Award for Best Book Cover. The book publisher name was listed as The Ahmadinajead Death Dungeons Publishing House.
“Turn Your Home Into a Missile Site Against Your Neighbors” won second prize. It was a book Falafel could not miss because the cover showed a child, whose age hovers around 10 or so, pressing a red button as a missile from his home fires straight into his neighbor’s building across the street. Falafel thought to himself that instead of spying on your neighbors as Assad wanted, Iran is changing the Syrian spying landscape. The Mullahs want Syrians, as young as 10, to kill their neighbors. The book publisher turned out to be the The Qasem Suleimani Ethnic Cleansing Publishing House.
“When in America, Don’t Forget to Kill a Jew” had an eerie cover. An Assad supporter carrying the sign “Assad, or We Burn the Country” was stabbing a Jewish Rabbi in the back near the Empire State Building in Manhattan. His face expression of utter delight resembled that of Ted Bundy. After a meal. The book publisher went by the name The Ayatollah Rouhani Jewish Friendship Society.
IRANIAN HOPE AND FEAR BOOKS
“Your God is a Worthless Piece of Shit” also attracted Falafel’s attention. On the cover, it showed IRGC soldiers spraying with bullets the Ummayad Mosque in Damascus while another IRGC soldier holding a sign that read “Qom, you dumb”. The book listed all the booby traps the Mullahs set in Sunni Mosques around Syria. If you wanted to live and pray, you had to buy the book. At $1,000 a copy. Also published by The Qasem Suleimani Ethnic Cleansing Publishing House.
“How to Sell Your Home for $1 and Make Immense Profits” was a book that convinced the Syrian people if they sell their homes to Iranian and Iraqi immigrants for $1, they will reap immense wealth in the afterlife in the form of an endless supply of lottery tickets the dead Mullahs set-up in Heaven. One scam leading to another Falafel thought to himself. The book sold like hot potatoes. Why? Because the cover showed a man surrounded by 72 naked virgins. The book was published by The Ayatollah Khamenei Harem Publishing House.
*****
Falafel was astonished by how well received the books were by Assad supporters and Assad foes alike. To a set of eyes with a marketing flair, it was obvious that Iran understood the psychological profile of Syrians. Whether those protected by Assad, or those in desperate need to be free from his terror.
COMMENTS